Some thoughts on… In Memoriam

Michael Jackson’s death may be the first truly global event of the century. Other milestones come close, like 9/11 or the death of the pope, but it seems almost every household in the world felt they knew Michael Jackson, through either his music or his moves. Radio stations replayed his music, newspapers reflected on his style, and people from all walks of life paid tribute. Perhaps this is a reflection of the ubiquity of pop-culture, but it is hopefully an indication of his singular talent which was able to inspire cultures and countries across the globe.

But no one can deny that he had notoriety surrounding him as well – lamas and chimps on his lavish Neverland estate; allegations of pedophilia; finances that placed him on the verge of bankruptcy; a constantly evolving facial construction. As anyone who has experienced loss knows, our remembrances of people are mixed. So, what will we remember of the King of Pop? Perhaps pop culture can provide some insights.

The tony-award winning musical, Next to Normal, bedevils in its portrayal of a typical family plunged into incoherence by the death of a relative. The characters attempt to support each other, but the overwhelming memory of the loss consumes them alive. The music is soaring and searing, a refreshing jolt back to the early days of Rent. One can hope that the show remains driven by its strong voices and insightful lyrics rather than jarring instrumentation and overacting to which Rent later devolved.

Memory is a vivid character in the show interweaving into day to day activities. Interacting with these remembrances, the characters confront their prejudices of each other leaving little room for caution. Resolution may not arrive in a neat and tidy bow, but the angelic revelation is clear – we need to remember and recognize our grief in order to overcome it. Trying to erase painful memories only leads to other losses.

Recently re-watching Ian McKellen as aging director James Whale in Gods and Monsters, I recalled why I admire Brendan Fraser. The interaction between the characters is a touching portrait of a platonic friendship between lonely souls – one gay and one straight; a relationship combination we rarely see on the screen.

Near the end of his life, McKellen’s character is jarred by reminiscences of a disapproving family, lost love, and the glories of by-gone days. Fraser is a blue-collar aesthete with an Adonis-like physique, whose sensitivity awakens the memories. He plays the role without campiness allowing the viewer to believe the trauma faced by Whale. In the movie, memories are not active characters, but are the background sets providing context for the choices made in life. By erupting at random points, the recollections divulge the answers for past and future actions of the characters.

Pixar has done it again with their new film – Up. The movie holds true to the title, lifting the spirit of its viewers through a frothy mix of morality tale, unprecedented 3-D graphics and rollicking, adventure story. The camaraderie between a crotchety– widower and a bulbous boy-scout seeking approval heals both their wounds. With the loss of his wife, the older man has forgotten how to interact with the world. He literally holds on to her memories even though they want to fly away. The un-ending optimism of the youth is what allows him to release the weight from his shoulders and engage in the adventure surrounding him. As with many Pixar movies, especially this one, go see this with a parent or relative over 65 – the subtle messaging somehow unfolds even more elegantly.

With anyone we have lost or will lose in our lives, their past foibles will be memories that constantly recur. We can not choose what we remember – sometimes the images come at you at the oddest times – a hint of music, the smell of cooking, the color of a leaf But, we can choose to view these shortcomings as the context for circumstances they faced and the decisions they made. Choices and situations we all must confront.

The trick with these unpleasant memories is not to forget or deny them, but to face them for what they are – the mistakes of mortal, human beings. Once we can place them in context, then it is easier to let them float away like a house strapped to thousands of multi-colored balloons.
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So with Michael Jackson, despite lingering doubts of interaction with children, I’ll remember the bell quality of his voice on “She’s Out of My Life”, his MoonDance to Billie Jean, and the departing words of his 11-year old daughter, “Daddy has been the best father I can ever imagine, and I love him so much”.

July 11, 2009